There are a lot of fools around who will do many of these things automatically without this advice. Perhaps this advice may make them think twice.

1. Produce work that constantly falls over in Systems Testing and in Production.

2. When the manager gives his weekly/monthly talk to the department, make sarcastic comments to those nearest to you that the management cant hear (or so you think).

3. Under pressure, put a couple of changes into Production untested. After all the back-ups are run, the program falls over again, and there is no time for a further back-up. Systems will be up late in the morning, and the big boss will be telling your boss to make sure it doesnt happen again. He will not be very pleased with you to say the least.

4. Use your lunchtimes (and work times) to look at porn on the net. The Internet is not very secure and Technical Support is normally the biggest rumormongers and gossipmongers in the building.

5. Keep checking your share prices on the Internet or over the phone and tell your fellow workers things like, I made five grand today.

6. At the Christmas Party make a play for your bosss wife, challenge him to a fight when he complains, or better yet, say he is no good at his job in front of his wife and those who work for him. He wont get rid of you right away. That would be too obvious. Hell wait for just enough time to elapse so that it doesnt seem that hes dumping you for that reason. Certainly, dont expect a contract renewal if you are a contractor.

7. Go behind your bosss back to your big boss. Rat your boss off for incompetence, giving examples. The Big Cheese now has to decide whether your boss goes or you go and youre the hot favorite. The Big Chief wont like employing someone who does the dirty on his bosses. After all he might be next.

8. Refer to the full time employees as Permies and make derogatory comments about their abilities. They have better access to the boss than you have and will use it.

9. Have a go at one of the senior users on your project (preferably the Project Sponsor) saying that he or she knows nothing about IT and would be much better to leave the project to you and your colleagues. It is better to do it while the IT manager is there, too.

10. Bring disks or CDs into work that you dont bother to check for viruses. Eventually you will bring one in that will infect everything. Better yet, if the CD doing the infecting is a porn CD.

Ive seen all of these things happen. I wonder if our readers have seen them happen too or can add fresh ones to the list.